by: christelle ilunga
The year: 2019. The place: University. We live in a label-free, multi-identity, gender non-conforming, preferred-pronoun-utilizing, verbal-consent-demanding, hoverboard riding, airpod wearing society. The microscope that our parents once had us under is now distant. That awkward stage of puberty, social anxiety and a prying family are now long gone, along with the imposed prevention of experimenting with our identities. We finally have enough freedom to truly explore the aspects of our identity that make us, us. But why is it that so many university students are so hesitant to do so?
According to a survey conducted by The New Yorker, 80% of the university students who took part admitted to having sex outside of a committed relationship. Although this statistic does reflect some kind of openness to sexual exploration in varsity, the same open mindedness was not seen when the students’ sexuality was taken into consideration - especially with males.
I conducted a survey with South African university students which asked participants to place themselves on a sexuality spectrum: 1 being completely attracted to the opposite gender and 10 being completely attracted to the same gender. It was discovered that two thirds of female students identified with a sexuality that was neither 1 nor 10 on the spectrum. This result was opposed by the answers obtained from male students, where 100% of them where either completely attracted to the same gender or completely attracted to the opposite gender. The results obtained are indicative of a widespread, recurring trend where men feel that there is a limit when it comes to their sexuality. Exploration is restricted as men feel the need to maintain a sense of perceived masculinity.
“Life is complicated enough as it is,” 22-year-old CPUT student, Lutho Ngewana, expressed. “I have created an image that I am a straight guy… and just to change that image feels like such a nuisance,” he explained. His sentiment was echoed by several other male students.
23-year-old Rhodes University student, Litha Mabona, explained his choice, saying: “I’ve never really thought of that [exploring his sexuality]…and it might be because of my cultural upbringing. I am Xhosa… the whole “macho man” thing is deep within our cultural roots.”
Many cultures do impose strict limitations on men and the expression of their identity. However, the idea that in order for a man to be ‘a man’ they have to restrict their attraction to the opposite gender is universal. Toxic masculinity can be blamed for this general belief. According to Dr. Loulou Hong, hyper-masculinity develops as a result of one’s insecurity within their socially-constructed gender identity. The fear of having their masculinity questioned is what forces many male university students to avoid the process of sexual exploration and the journey of discovering one’s sexual identity.
Contrary to this, the majority of female students that took part in the sexuality spectrum survey expressed the desire to explore their sexuality as a result of their new-found freedom in university. This is most probably due to that fact that societal pressures tend to focus on women’s appearances and demeanours, rather than on her sexual attraction. Sexual exploration does not threatened women’s ‘femininity’ – an idea which society too imposes on her. This non-scrutinizing attitude towards women’s sexual exploration is secondly a result of the fetishizing of female homosexual relationships.
“As for me, if from daily encounters… comes a person that is genuinely my cup of tea, then depriving myself of an opportunity to learn more about myself is not an option”, Christelle Fulashe, voiced in support of sexual exploration. It is this kind of openness to discovering more about one’s sexuality that many men in universities tend to deviate from, in fear of judgement or of being misunderstood. Although an individual's natural sexual attraction to a certain gender does have a determining influence on whether they would be open to exploring and experimenting with their sexuality, it would be naive to assume that societal pressure has nothing to do with male university students limiting their sexual experiences to a set gender.
Curiosity is part of the human experience. No matter how much we believe we know about ourselves or others, exploration and experimentation with all aspects of our identity is inevitably the key to self-discovery. In addition, seeing that so many of the judgments and constrictions that are faced in high school reduce greatly during university, what better place is there for one to be open to discovering more about their sexuality? It is time that male students begin to rid themselves of these societal barriers placed on them in order to limit their sexuality. All men should feel free to tap into their curiosity and to explore their sexuality in order for them experience that aspect of life authentically.
One should not fear discovering their sexuality. They should love it, accept it and embrace, it is a part of who they are. In the words of RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
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